Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
