the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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