You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
