I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
