awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
