i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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