Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
