He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
