he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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