i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
