he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
