Tell her she can't have a vagina
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
4 words: hood of his car
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
