I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
