The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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