All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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