R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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