whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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