Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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