Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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