So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
