i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
