yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
