apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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