Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
