.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
