I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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