hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
