Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
