what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
