i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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