neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
