He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
