they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Church boner. Awkwardddd
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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