I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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