remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
