it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
