can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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