We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
