I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
