I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
