you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
