i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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