margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
did i just pee glitter
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
