remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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