Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
