____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
