I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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