Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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