I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
