I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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