Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
