im gay
i know
yea but for you.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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