I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
